I guess you do need math after high school

I, The Quitter

The roar of the custom tour bus shook the parking lot. Conservatives staggered to the left. Sarah's eyes were a symphony of incredulity, an unbelieving witness to truth and reality. Quickly, she checked the beautiful swelling of her personal portfolio account where the money went in.

"How could you?" The Tea Party gasped.

Sarah had only a moment before talking to a corpse of a Presidential campaign, but she got it in.

"It was easy," Sarah said.

I originally meant to post this yesterday

Ballpoint pens sticking out into the aisle at the perfect position and height to have a customer stabbed in the side or arm or, at worst, a child taking one in the face as they bop along with a parent. A fine example of what I have come to call The Culture of Half-Assedness.

Just duct tape a steak knife to the counter while you're at it.

In many industries, people often seem not to care and fail to think forwards for many reasons. In all cases the origin of that ethic is laziness. Doing things half-assed is a conscious decision. People feel they are too busy, perceive it doesn't matter because hard work doesn't pay off, doing the extra work or taking precautions are not appreciated or met with hostility by co-workers or managers.

Mostly this kind of work ethic does no harm and elicits only amusement. Poorly written signs and odd pricing are typically the result. Sometimes it is more serious and can be a work hazard.

Absurdly, I had to argue with people about the wisdom of placing the pens where they did. I actually had to present a convincing case to people to reposition the pens. Overwhelmingly the response was 'What's the big deal?? from most everyone. Sure, say that later when your performance bonus is cut by a big percentage due to failing the workplace safety audits and increased injury reports being filed. Also, the big deal is people can be hurt. Duh.

Then I had to do so twice more when the pens were repositioned so that anyone moving groceries on the belt or attempting to pay for their goods would risk being stabbed. So I had the pens moved again and this time they were placed so they stuck out into the cashier's work area. Scrapes, minor stabbings and ink stained work shirts ensued as the cashiers moved their arms through a space now occupied by something pointy.

Pro tip: Don't have sharp things point against the flow of traffic. Turn the pens around so the blunt end is facing people. Finally realizing that if I want something done right I'd have to do it myself, I placed the pens under under the counter so they are out of the way while the lanyard is long enough to allow the customer to use the pen.

These pens were a stupid idea anyways. They are cheap, constantly in the way and cause problems for the workers. Even placed under the counter the plastic lanyard, while long enough to reach the counter for use are too short not to get caught on product moving down the belt. The lanyard pulls taut and then launches the pen haphazardly into the air like a ballpointed whip. The ideal length of the pen lanyard would be a foot and a half of chain of the kind used in banks but when we install those type of pens the customers tear them off and take them with them.

Sealed With A...What?

My real-life true Valentine's Day story while at work and my conversation with one of the bakers as they set up a table of holiday cakes.

"So, what is this?"
"I dunno. They told me to decorate the heart cakes like those candy hearts. With words like Be Mine, UR Gr8, Luv You and SWAT."

"Yeah, SWAT. So what does SWAT mean?"

"Dunno. They just said SWAT."

"Maybe that was supposed to be SWAK."

"That doesn't make any sense."

"It does if you are saying Sealed With A Kiss."

"Oh, yeah. Well, they said SWAT."

"Sure they did. Okay, what's done is done. You can discount these tomorrow after Valentine's Day, right?"

They wonder why everything I say is prefaced with a heavy sigh.

New and Improved

Wondered what the customers were giggling about (my first instinct was not to look up) until I looked at the cash register and saw that the product abbreviation for Creamy Supreme frosting had an unfortunate and comical result.

Real receipt with a false header because of humorless bosses.

Health and Safety

Anthropomorphic mascot promotes better health through improved nutrition and sports but not, apparently, physical safety and common sense as J. Slice' shattered skull and exposed brain can attest.

From the National Watermelon Promotion Board's J. Slice saves the Planet from Professor Junkfood (2003). I remember 2003. It was all about our precious snowflakes wearing protective equipment and preventing traumatic injury. How did this get approved?

To find out, click here for the The Senses-Shattering Secret Origin of J. Slice!

Carbon? Try reducing your stupidity footprint

Ultimately disposable paper coin banks that could be folded into the shape of the new energy-saving buses that were rolled out into service in San Diego were handed out by the hundreds, if not thousands to kids and parents a few weeks ago in a parking lot of the mall where I shop.

I wonder how many of these exist anywhere but a landfill by now? Once the novelty wore off , the nickel was removed or lost out of one of the folds and the buses were damaged by play I imagine they went right into the trash. Generating thousands of pounds of waste paper to tout an environmentally friendly bus doesn't make any sense at all. Kind of similar to the paper tags hung on bottles of soap claiming the product conserves water. Guys, you can't trade one for the other as IT IS ALL CONNECTED.

Hopelessly Devoted to Cleanliness

Advertising keyword fail from YouTube.

Because nothing says teen-age rebellion like domestic chores done well.

And so what I was watching ONJ videos.

I don't understand why this is even happening

Photo taken in San Diego, 11-9-10

Like it doesn't bother you

Remaining calm in restaurants is  particularly difficult and can be quite a challenge for the average, normal person. This is because the cutlery is often magnetized through handling, cleaning, jostling and scraping in the storage racks. Trust me, it's science.

The main problem that occurs from cutlery being magnetized is that it makes lining up the flatware perfectly parallel on the napkin with even spaces on each side and without touching the implements next to it AS IT SHOULD BE extremely difficult for the average restaurant patron. Too close to the  neighboring implement and the fork is subsequently attracted to the adjacent piece of cutlery and then shifts off center and it TOUCHES the knife or spoon. I will not stand for that. No way. If the cutlery is not close enough to the other then the entire setting is NOT LINED UP RIGHT and then they won't be perfectly even on the napkin AS THEY SHOULD BE and then I get upset and nervous and then that tremble in my chest returns and it won't go away until I fix the problem.

Oh, man. Just looking at this image is making me want to photoshop them parallel.

Please Stand By

Not giving up, my 8 month old monitor went dead last week. The spare from the garage had a proprietary power cord I could not locate, so I had to wait. Raised a fuss about my warranty and got a new replacement monitor. Yay for saving emails forever! Without it I would have probably not had my warranty honored.

Expect a Mysta Monday sometime today!

Wine Pong

Here are some ping pong balls hanging up in the liquor section spotted at a local grocery store in San Diego, August 2010. The most common usage for ping pong balls other than for a table game back in 1957 is for playing Beer Pong, a fun, stupid and sometimes ill-advised game that promotes over-imbibing of beer. Now, the store itself isn't directly promoting drinking games as it is an outside vendor who hangs up the racks of various impulse buy items. It is more than likely that the store is unaware the balls are in the liquor department.

These packs are not hanging up over the beer (yet) but they are in the general alcohol section. I have no doubt the store would not hesitate to move the balls to the toy section if brought to their attention.

Then something went wrong

From Thrilling Wonder Stories #1 (January 1931). Art by Frank R. Paul.

We're gonna show them who's on top!

Tagging a toilet plunger with your 'gang' graffiti? I mean, what turf is being claimed here?

That's just nasty.

Wanted: Experienced Proof-Reader, Apply DC Offices

Was a racial slur inadvertently inserted in the recent DC Comics title Justice League - Generation Lost #4?

I am one long-time reader who is disappointed by DC Comics apparently turning back the clock on the diversity of their characters even though I kind of understand it. It is fear, perhaps, that any lasting change to the formula that basically carried the company over 60 years will meet with disaster. Fear, perhaps based in reality, that nostalgia is all they have going for them and the shrinking fan-base of continuity-addicts snubs with negative consequences financially to the company anything that resembles true progress.

From all the internet press it is clear that DC is very aware of the recent outcry that there is the perception they are relying on the tried, true, nearly antique and primarily Caucasian models of the Golden and Silver Age of comic books. While the retro models of the characters may represent their perceived and steady market-base they are are not truly representative of the diverse population of both the real and fictional worlds. That mentioned, the creative teams and editors of their books should be a little bit more aware of how their products published after the controversy could and would be examined for every perceived slight, hidden message or racial and political agenda. Every beaten woman, murdered Asian, gap-toothed Southerner or jailed Middle-Easterner in their books, movies and games will be picked apart and commented upon by the rational and irrational fans seeking a pattern, proof of a corporate policy of hostility to a diverse populace.

As example, read this scene in Justice League - Generation Lost #4 (July 2010) which hit the stands this week. Preview images have also been available for public perusal on various websites for a while.

The comic book industry has as one of its primary tropes word-play in the form of acronyms that are explored to sometimes ridiculous lengths. Indeed, major story arcs and even some titles have been pitched and launched merely by how cool or interesting an acronym can sound. It is a tactic of advertising and can pique the interest of a consumer and creates a brand identity that hopefully a buyer will return to again and again. So it is interesting that an industry that enjoys and even exults in word games can depict an African-American (or decidedly non-Caucasian) scientist involved in a super-powers project designated as Nanobyte Genetic Enhancement Research.

If you want to put together and sound out the acronym, go ahead, but I suggest you only do it in your head.

I personally am not the most sensitive or observant person and I noticed and made a connection to a word that sounds like a racial slur that denigrates African-Americans and the character, however tenuous, right away. Unless DC states otherwise I have little doubt that the acronym as it appears was merely careless and unfortunate. It would be career suicide and fiscally irresponsible for anyone to try and sneak an intentional slur into any of the popular entertainment media designed for a wide and diverse audience in this era. Of course it is not beyond the realm of possibility as there are a lot of confused, angry and backwards people out in the world.

There is no proof that someone at DC intentionally included a racial epithet into one of their comic books nor am I claiming that they did. However once something is seen you can not un-see it. It does not matter how unintentional or coincidental the word or how it sounds may be. It is there, however inadvertently and the perception of the individual reader is what will likely hold sway. There are websites that just leap on things like this and run with it. That is important because no one can really conclusively say that the acronym was not intentional and that cavalierly killing off the ethnic and obviously brilliant character in the next page was a mere innocent plot device. Take into consideration in the story it was a secret project and some could infer that killing an African-American who was creating a process that could give the disenfranchised super abilities just looks bad even if it is much-ado about nothing.

Helping create a quality product is one of the jobs of an editor and one could expect that the staff of DC, already under scrutiny by some of their customers and critics, would have paid a little bit more attention to the proof-reading. Some will undoubtedly assert the slur was intentional as a clever flip of the finger to those who complained about the back-stepping of diversity in DC comic books. Some will maintain the incident was just an unfortunate and innocent coincidence. Others will claim there is nothing to be found at all.

Regardless, I expect that in the future trade edition of Justice League - Generation Lost that particular phrase will probably be re-arranged to provide a different result. Given the scene I would submit that an initiative that is all giving super-powers to average people would read better if it was labeled "Project: E.N.R.G.". It would be a lot more fitting if the acronym sounds like "Energy" when spelled out, instead of that other word.

Quit asking about your mom

She's staying with a "friend", okay?

Good For You and the Earth

Recently I received a number of on-demand printed advertisements along with the usual coupons I receive at the check stand of the store I regularly buy my groceries from. Here is a slightly manipulated actual ad that is generated from the coupon dispensing machines. As usual, I have removed the actual store name and logo and replaced it with a fictitious business name.

After paying for my groceries the coupon printer actually dispensed two of these ads along with my receipt and a couple of other coupons.

The printed advertisement from the store makes the claim that organic products are beneficial for the consumer and for the ecology of the planet Earth. This is an assertion that looks and sounds good and makes the consumer feel better about what they buy even though the term "organic" does not necessarily mean something is healthier to eat. It refers primarily to the required processes used to produce a product that is certified as organic in origin (which can be quite liberal in definition).

While the claim that organic products are superior to other foodstuffs may be true any environmental gains from organic farming must surely be negated by the obscene amounts of paper waste generated to proclaim said benefits.

The distance between the public relations claims of a company and their vendors committing to being 'green' issued from the rarefied heights of the Boardroom and the street-level reality can be measured by the the many miles of paper spam generated at the cash register.

Do the math: One 6-inch ad x an average 3000 customers per store x 2400 stores nationwide.

Related post: Waste Lots, Want Not.

Want to see something really scary?

Monsters and demons are not the real terrors in this world. It is the gross and icky people that will doom us all.

Spotted in a popular family restaurant in San Diego, September 2009.

Hoay!

Spotted a lack of spell check on a novelty newspaper at one of those seasonal Halloween costume supply outlets that open for about a month using the space of all those failed vacant retail shops in the malls.

Local News

Thanks to President Obama and his policies, Al Qaeda have fallen on desperate times and have had to resort to robbing banks in San Diego for their fund raising.

Screenshot from the local section of Google News, September 14, 2009.