Good For You and the Earth

Recently I received a number of on-demand printed advertisements along with the usual coupons I receive at the check stand of the store I regularly buy my groceries from. Here is a slightly manipulated actual ad that is generated from the coupon dispensing machines. As usual, I have removed the actual store name and logo and replaced it with a fictitious business name.

After paying for my groceries the coupon printer actually dispensed two of these ads along with my receipt and a couple of other coupons.

The printed advertisement from the store makes the claim that organic products are beneficial for the consumer and for the ecology of the planet Earth. This is an assertion that looks and sounds good and makes the consumer feel better about what they buy even though the term "organic" does not necessarily mean something is healthier to eat. It refers primarily to the required processes used to produce a product that is certified as organic in origin (which can be quite liberal in definition).

While the claim that organic products are superior to other foodstuffs may be true any environmental gains from organic farming must surely be negated by the obscene amounts of paper waste generated to proclaim said benefits.

The distance between the public relations claims of a company and their vendors committing to being 'green' issued from the rarefied heights of the Boardroom and the street-level reality can be measured by the the many miles of paper spam generated at the cash register.

Do the math: One 6-inch ad x an average 3000 customers per store x 2400 stores nationwide.

Related post: Waste Lots, Want Not.

If Disney purchased DC Comics

JIMINY OLSEN

Related: Disney in other media

This is your cat on drugs

As loathe as I am to act as an outlet for free advertising the bizarre "through the looking glass" commercial for pet food is just too strange not to mention.

Wonder Woman #188

Wonder Woman #188 (On Sale: February 26, 1970) has a cover by Mike Sekowsky and Dick Giordano that is a wonderful return to the heavy bondage roots of classic Golden Age Wonder Woman covers.

We begin with our cover-story "Cyber's Revenge" written and penciled by Mike Sekowsky and inked by Dick Giordano. Continuing from last issue, Diana and Ching have been pulled from the waters of Hong Kong Harbor as the Junk that was the headquarters of Dr. Cyber burns. The badly burned Cyber and her associate Lu Shan, maybe I Ching's daughter, escaped with a new power source to be used to power Cyber's earthquaker devices. Ching was shot by Lu Shan and is rushed to the hospital, while Diana and Patrick McGuire meet at the police station and go over the events thus far.

Suddenly Hong Kong is hit by an earthquake and Diana and Patrick head for the streets where they are shot at by a strange car carrying Lu Shan and a assortment of Cyber henchmen. They escape Cyber's people by hiding under some wreckage, when another quake hits Patrick is knocked unconscious. Meanwhile Cyber sends a message to the wold that she must be declared supreme ruler of Earth or she will level every city on the planet with her earthquakers.

Lu Shan and her thugs locate Diana but she overpowers her and chases off the thugs and "convinces" Lu Shan to show them where one of the earthquakers is located. However, suspecting a trap, Diana wants Lu Shan to throw the power switch to turn off the machine and when she refuses Diana once again overpowers her. Eventually Lu Shan is convinced to turn off the earthquakers safely, bypassing the self-destruct feature that she was hoping would catch Diana.

Back at the inspector's office, Diana gets the location of the other earthquakers out of Lu Shan and while the inspector's men go after most of the machine, Diana and Patrick take the last one themselves. They race across the destroyed city to the location of the final earthquaker as it is turned on once again. They make it into the facility but run afoul of a trap door.

When they awaken they are chained to the ceiling and a heavily bandaged Dr. Cyber is there. She removes her bandages and shows Diana the mess she made of her face. Diana turns her face away from the sight and Cyber grabs her and turns Diana toward her. Which is what Diana hoped she would do, come in close enough so that Diana could knock her out with a swift kick to the face. Using the training she was taught by I Ching Diana is able to free herself but then is attacked by Cyber's personal guards, whom she quickly defeats.

As Diana frees Patrick Cyber awakens and attacks her with a sword, but Diana uses the chains to keep Cyber at bay and knock her into a power supply on the earthquaker. As Cyber fries, she pushes the self-destruct button. Diana and Patrick barely make it out alive. From hiding we see Lu Shan, vowing to get revenge. Diana and Patrick then begin helping those wounded in the quakes.

Days later she and Patrick make it to the hospital to check in on I Ching only to find that he is gone. A visitor came to his room and spoke something of Lu Shan and how she had crossed the border into Red China. Ching seems to have followed her. Reprinted in Diana Prince:Wonder Woman Vol. 2 TPB.

We get another great Sekowsky/Giordano teaser page for the next issue followed by a two page filler, "Crime Does Not Pay!" also by Mike Sekowsky and Dick Giordano. This little short is about a pick-pocket who unwisely tries to pick Diana's pocket!

Edited by Mike Sekowsky.

Detective Comics #398

Detective Comics #398 (On Sale: February 26, 1970) has a cover by Neal Adams.

This issue begins with our cover-story "The Poison Pen Puzzle" by Frank Robbins, Bob Brown and Joe Giella. It begins with Bruce Wayne on a jet headed for Los Angeles where Wayne Enterprises is about to buy into the picture business by purchasing a stake in Seven-Star Pictures. Sitting next to him is writer Maxine Melanie, who creates quite a stir on the plane when her identity is revealed by a couple of flight attendants. Her latest Hollywood tell-all "novel" has just been published and when she asks Bruce if he would like an autograph, he makes it clear how he feels about her type of literature, "I wouldn't be seen dead with your--book!"

But as fate would have it Seven-Star Pictures has just optioned the thing and after landing Bruce makes a big stink in the boardroom of Seven-Star, threatening to call of the merger if Seven-Star makes the movie. One of the board-members rightfully accuses Bruce of being a boorish "censor" for criticizing a book he has not read and when they go to get Bruce their advanced copy, they find it missing. This sends Bruce to a nearest bookstore where Maxine just happens to be signing her work.

Bruce is told that if he wants an autograph from Maxine that he better bring his own pen as "Maxine ran out of hers hours ago..." Just then an old woman asks to be let into the line awaiting autographs as she is "too frail to take this pushing around." As Maxine signs her book, she spasms, screams and collapses. The old woman tries to beat a hasty retreat but drops her book. Bruce tries to return it to her and is flipped onto his back by the old broad. By this time a doctor has shown up and pronounces Maxine dead. Bruce notices that there is a pin-prick in Maxine's finger and that there is a needle sticking out of the pen. When Bruce looks at the dropped book he sees that it is an advanced copy.

Back at Seven-Stars Bruce finds that they know of Maxine's death and that one of their top "properties," Loren Melburn has confessed to the murder. She is half of Hollywood's "perfect couple" with husband Dorian Spence. They were both "speared by Maxine's poison-pen in her novel." They mention to Bruce that there is a third major star mentioned in the book, Ronald Dart, who also had motive to kill Maxine. Another board-member walks in and announces that Dorian Spence has also confessed to the murder of Maxine.

Bruce says he will handle this personally and as Batman visits the Los Angeles police where he tels them to announce that Batman is on the case. Later Batman visits the Spense's where Dorian tries to convince him that he is the real killer. Planning to head over to Rod Drake's place next door Batman is confronted by Drake in the garden, where he says he overheard Spence planning Maxine's death. When Drake comes out of the shadows he is wielding a fireplace poker and is not Drake, but Dorian Spense. But just as quickly he is grabbed by Dorian Spence who pulls the mask off the attacking Spence to reveal Rod Drake.

Drake confesses that he fed Maxine most of the dirt in her "novel" with the promise that he would star in the movie version. Only, she reneged and he decided to kill her for it. Does much of this make any sense at all? Not really.

The back-up is Robin in "Moon-Struck" by Frank Robbins, Gil Kane and Vinny Colletta. Hudson University is being visited by a moon rock which NASA is giving to Russia and is being accepted by Russian Exchange Professor Zukov. Geeky student Herb Stroud, the campus "profit of doom" who "showers every hour--on the hour" arrives to say that the moon rock may be dangerous. His prediction appears to have been right as the rock flashes green and Herb's skin turns the exact same color. The campus is quarantined and NASA people grab Herb for testing. They can find no radiation issues at all.

Meanwhile Robin is suspecting a hoax and is visiting the showers and finds a strange bar of green soap with an odd scent. Just hen the lights go out and so does Robin, who is attacked trying to keep the soap. When he awakens he smells an odd scent on the hand of the person who awakened him. Reprinted in Showcase Presents: Robin the Boy Wonder Vol. 1 TPB. Not much to say about this one except the art is horrible and I don't blame Gil Kane.

Edited by Julius Schwartz.

Chris Houghton covers Airboy 27

Original cover by Ron Randall, Eclipse 1987. Chris Houghton's website is here.

Aquaman #51

Aquaman #51 (On Sale: February 26, 1970) has another brilliant cover by Nick Cardy. This may be the Silver Age of comics, but it was the Golden Age of Comic Covers.

We begin with Aquaman in "The Big Pull" by Steve Skeates and Jim Aparo. Continuing from last issue, some alien creatures sent by Ocean Master have blasted Aquaman, well, somewhere unearthly. There he met a woman who lived in a strange city where their religion only allowed for communication in their sanctuary. Looking for information about Earth the woman has brought Aquaman to Brother Warnn and as we pick up the story this issue we learn that even this man has no concept of Earth. The people here only believe in the City and the Wilderness beyond; to them nothing else exists.

When Aquaman tells the woman that he intends to search for someone who knows of Earth, the woman warns him that there is nothing but the City and the Wilderness and to speak otherwise is blasphemy. Aquaman is overheard however by a Supreme Brother, one of the few allowed to communicate outside of the sanctuary. The woman tells Aquaman that if he leaves they will surely attack him, but Aquaman doesn't want to wait around any longer and bolts from the place. He is followed by a couple of warriors with the crazy bubble-guns seen last issue. Aquaman sneaks up on an unsuspecting guard, and knocking him out, uses his body as a shield from the bubbles. Escaping Aquaman soon finds that he is once again being followed by the woman.

Back in the City, on official turns on a machine which sends out huge telepathic waves into the Wilderness. The waves his Aquaman and his companion, causing extreme pain and knocking her out. Aquaman carries the woman and swims on. Eventually as he puts more distance between him and the City the pain eases.

Back in Atlantis, Black Manta is seen approaching the city and Mera, alone and in charge, wishes with all her might that her husband were back with her. At that same instance, somewhere else, Aquaman feels a strange force pulling him in a specific direction. His companion wakes up and seems unsure of what to do, but eventually decides to continue following Aquaman.

As they continue on they are seen by two strange little men toiling in a rock quarry. Jimm thinks he sees Aquaman, but Steev has never heard of Aquaman and thinks they better get back to work or Dikk will have their heads. This was a nice little inside bit by Skeates and Aparo.

Luckily the woman did not see Steev or Jimm for she would have surely freaked when she saw them talking, for a little later on Aquaman is drawn toward a large sphere, covered with cave-like structures. When the woman sees the cave-people communicating in the open she is shocked and pulls out her gun to shoot them. Aquaman stops her, but not before one errant shot is let loose. It hits near a child playing and the cave people head toward Aquaman with clubs at the ready. This story was reprinted in Adventure Comics #503.

The back-up is Deadman in "The World Cannot Wait for a Deadman" written and drawn by Neal Adams. If you remember last time, the same aliens that zapped Aquaman where ever the heck he has been zapped, let loose a cat-like creature when they realized a non-corporal being like Deadman was in their midst and said cat-like creature was flipping Deadman out! More like taking him for an inter-dimensional ride! Now as he lands on solid ground (hard for a dead man to do!), the cat-like create has turned into a beautiful woman who explains that in this dimension Deadman is real

The beautiful Tatsinda explains that in our world she can only exist as the "cat-like" creature, that the aliens captured her two years ago and that the only way she could get home was to "ride" a nonentity, such as Deadman, back to her dimension. Deadman says that she can just ride him right back then, "Look, just drop me off and you can come back here!" But of course, she can only make the dimensional jump with someone like Deadman to ride her through it.

Just then Tatsinda's brother and sister arrive and after a tearful reunion they all run underground to avoid a massive storm. As they near Tatsinda's underground home city they are attacked by two ugly-looking guys on a giant crab-like creature. The crab-like creature's eyes hold them all in a hypnotic trance as the ugly ones grab Tatsinda and scamper (scuttle?) away on a giant network of spider-like webbing. Once they snap out of the trance Deadman asks what is the best way to go after them and Tatsinda's brother says that there is no way, that no one has ever followed the depth crabs, "We'll never see Tatsinda again!"

Not the right answer for Deadman, who leaps into the depths and swings about on the webs like he once did the trapeze. He quickly finds the ugly ones and landing among them begins to open a can o' wup ass! He rescues Tatsinda and as he is taking her back to her home she says, "You've done what no man on this whole planet could have done! I've been thinking...about how your dimension needs you more than I need to go home! Don't throw up!" and she rides him once again through the dimensional barrier! This story was reprinted in Deadman Collection HC.

Edited by Dick Giordano.

Steve LeCouilliard covers Xenozoic Tales 13

Original cover by Mark Schultz; Kitchen Sink Press 1987. Steve LeCouilliard's website is here.

I don't need no politicians to tell me things I shouldn't be

Eddie and the Hot Rods (1977)

Superman's Pal Jimmy Olsen #128

Superman's Pal Jimmy Olsen #128 (On Sale: February 24, 1970) has a cover by Curt Swan and Murphy Anderson.

This issue begins with our cover-story "No Father for Jimmy" by E. Nelson Bridwell and Pete Costanza. The back-up is "The Story of Superman's Souvenirs" from Superman's Pal Jimmy Olsen #5 by Otto Binder, Curt Swan and Ray Burnley. Killer Burke, a hunted fugitive, hides in the apartment of Jimmy Olsen. Burke forces Jimmy to tell him the stories behind several of his Superman souvenirs, hoping one will enable him to escape. Burke then uses an invisibility belt invented by Luthor to slip past the police. However, the belt causes Burke to go blind. Without his sight, Burke is forced to surrender. When Jimmy turns off the belt, his sight is restored.

Edited by Mort Weisinger.

Heart Throbs #125

Heart Throbs #125 (On Sale: February 24, 1970) has cover by Ric Estrada and Vince Colletta.

This issue begins with our cover-story "Leave Me! Leave Me! Leave Me" drawn by Ric Estrada and Vince Colletta. Next is "Two Loves Have I" drawn by Lee Elias. We end with "Am I Too Young for Love?"

Edited by Joe Orlando.

Kokoro

Sometimes you see a movie and it feels ... slight. It just doesn't seem to make much of an impression. Something in the way it was filmed, the themes, the characters, all strike you as somewhat wanting. So you shrug and go on about your business.

But then you notice you keep thinking about it. Images come back to you, character's faces, bits of dialog, a moment, a gesture. You find yourself going over it in your head, parsing it, making connections, finally getting it. It dawns on you that this film was far better than you registered while watching it, so understated yet intimate was the subject matter, so low-key and subtle the presentation.

And so we have Kokoro (1955), adapted from the acclaimed novel by Soseki Natsume and directed by Kon Ichikawa. The film stars Masayuki Mori (Rashomon, Ugetsu) as a depressed man whose central secret, the cause of his misery (and that of his long-suffering wife, played by Michiyo Aratama) forms the core of the story. Of course we eventually learn all about it through exposition and flashbacks. Without giving too much away, it involves a love triangle and a tragic choice, leading to years of desolation and inner turmoil. Eventually what meager scab that's managed to grow over the wound is picked open by a young student (Shoji Yasui, who would go on to play the unforgettable deserter/monk Mizushima in Ichikawa's The Burmese Harp) who befriends the tortured older man and only wants to help. No good deed goes unpunished ...

Kokoro (which translates roughly as "the heart of things") is one of those quietly devastating films particular to certain cultures (I'm thinking Japanese, but Scandinavian is right in there as well). In form and content it is quite different from the kind of film normally discussed on this blog, yet in its themes of misery and self-destruction it is ultimately as harrowing as any of the more outre outings on offer here. Recommended.

Green Lantern #76

Green Lantern #76 (On Sale: February 24, 1970) is an obscure, little-known book of no real importance. Not! Neal Adams provides the cover to this ground-breaking comic with the new Green Lantern Co-Starring Green Arrow logo.

I remember seeing this book on the stands like it was yesterday. Having read the Green Arrow make-over issue of The Brave and the Bold and having been following his exploits in Justice League of America I was hankering for some more Green Arrow, and I was always ready for a new Neal Adams' series. This issue I got both and so, so much more. "No Evil Shall Escape My Sight" is the classic Denny O'Neil and Neal Adams revamping of the ailing Green Lantern franchise that changed the direction of comics for years to come and introduced the word "relevance" to comics.

This landmark issue almost went out with this cover instead, but editor Julius Schwartz passed on this one, perhaps because it looks like Green Arrow is about to shoot Green Lantern in the back. I've seen another version of this cover on-line somewhere which has the Green Lantern figure inked by Adams.

Stop me if you've heard this one before... or not. Green Lantern is in the area of Star City and decides to drop in on Green Arrow to see how he is doing. Once in town he sees a guy in a suit being accosted by "a punk" on the street. Lantern does a little green-ring razzle-dazzle and sends the "punk" off to police headquarters. He then picks the accosted man off the street and dusts him off accepting his gratitude. Then the crowd gives Lantern their opinion of his performance as they begin to pelt him with bottles, cans and other assorted garbage.

Green Lantern grabs the nearest punk and is about to work him over when Green Arrow arrives with the classic lines, "Touch him first, Green Lantern, and you'll have to touch me second...and I'll touch back!--Believe it chum!" "I was almost tempted to throw a can at you myself!" Arrow takes Lantern aside and explains that the accosted guy was Jubal Slade, the fat-cat landlord who owns these tenement slums, and who is now evicting everyone to turn the buildings into parking lots.

Up on the roof of the building, the straight-laced Green Lantern says he was only doing his job and Arrow accuses him of being a Nazi. Then in one of the more powerful moments in comic history an old black man asks Green Lantern a question, "I been readin' about you...How you work for the blue skins.. And how on a planet someplace you helped out the orange skins...And you done considerable for the purple skins! Only there's skins you never bothered with--! The black skins! I want to know... How come?! Answer me that, Mr. Green Lantern!"

This is one of two scenes that everyone seems to remember from this book and regard as its high point, but for me it is the first panel on the next page that makes this scene kill. More precisely, it is the caption of that first panel: " In the time it takes to draw a single breath...the span of a heartbeat--a man looks into his own soul, and his life changes..." What makes this story work and the whole concept of the book work, is that Denny O'Neil is able to give voice to two opposing views through the two main characters, but he is obviously slanted toward Arrow's more liberal views.

In a way, O'Neil turned this book into his own take on Steve Ditko's the Hawk and the Dove, only he is playing the favorite that Ditko never would ever have considered. Arrow gives a powerful voice and presence to the Dove and Lantern finds himself conflicted as the black and white Hawk. The country, certainly the youth of the country, was rejecting Ditko's black and white view of the world and embracing a more humanistic approach. Green Arrow was the perfect tool to bring that view to comics.

Back in our story, Green Lantern goes to Jubal Slade and tries to talk him out of razing the buildings. Slade calls him a "bleeding heart" and has his men attempt to throw him out. Lantern takes out Slade's thugs and is about to open a can of whoop-ass on Slade when the Guardians intervene, telling Lantern to report to Oa immediately. The Guardians are pissed that Hal attacked Slade, who in their eyes, had committed no crime. They send him out to save a moon of Saturn from a swarm of meteors and tell him to wait there for further orders. Tired of doing the work of the "blue skins" and thinking back on the words of the "black skin," Hal disobeys the Guardians and heads back to Earth.

At that moment Arrow is visiting Slade and convincing him that he needs to pay Arrow for "protection." They set up a meeting for later than night for a payoff. We watch the two guns heading for the rendezvous, silencers in place. Seeing a figure in a chair they pump it full of lead, only to find it is a dummy and Green Arrow is upon them! After handling the men, Arrow retrieves his hidden tape recorder, only to find that one of the gunsel's stray bullets has scored a direct hit on the tape and Ollie is back to square one.

When Arrow and Lantern get together, Ollie relates his failure and Hal comes up with a plan. One of the gunmen shows up at Slade's penthouse and Slade erupts, telling him never to come there and wanting to know if the "hit" on Green Arrow was a success, "Green Arrow! Did you finish him? I paid you to kill him...remember?" At which point the gunman turns into Green Lantern and Green Arrow shows up with the District Attorney in hand to arrest Slade.

All that is left is Slade's attempt to get away via a hand grenade he uses as a paperweight, but Green Lantern makes quick work of that and the D. A. takes Slade away. Happy ending, right? Not so fast bucko! There is the Epilogue and the other famous scene from this story.

The Guardians are pissed off at Hall for disobeying their orders and Green Arrow lays into them and Hal in some of the most amazing dialog ever written. For the time it was shocking. "Listen...Forget about chasing around the galaxy!...and remember America...It's a good country...beautiful...fertile...and terribly sick! There are children dying...honest people cowering in fear...disillustioned kids ripping up campuses...On the streets of Memphis a good black man died...and in Los Angeles a good white man fell...Something is wrong! Something is killing us all...! Some hideous moral cancer is rotting our very souls!"

And so Ollie tasks the Guardians to do something about it and after much deliberation they send down one of their own, disguised as a human and together, the three of them take off in a pick-up truck to find America. "Three set out together, moving through cities and villages and the majesty of the wilderness...searching for a special kind of truth...searching for themselves."

This classic tale has been reprinted in Green Lantern/Green Arrow #1, Greatest Team-Up Stories Ever Told HC, Greatest Team-Up Stories Ever Told TPB, DC Silver Age Classics Green Lantern 76 (#6), Green Lantern/Green Arrow Collection Vol. 1 TPB, Millennium Edition: Green Lantern 76 (#5), Green Lantern/Green Arrow Collection HC and Green Lantern/Green Arrow Vol. 1 TPB.

Edited by Julius Schwartz.

Girls' Romances #148

Girls' Romances #148 (On Sale: February 24, 1970) has an absolutely beautiful cover by the great Nick Cardy.

This issue begins with "I Won't Fall in Love" drawn by Ric Estrada and Vince Colletta. Next is "My Nightmare Love Affair" drawn by John Rosenberger. We end with the transgendered romance (just kidding) "I Wish I Wasn't Born a Girl" inked by Vince Colletta.

Edited by Murray Boltinoff.

Joel Grothaus covers Amazing Spider-Man 3

Original cover by Steve Ditko; Marvel 1963. Joel Grothaus's website is here.

The False Negative

Capturing the attentions of jaded, cynical and increasingly suspicious consumers is a never-ending battle and a billion-dollar a year industry. One of the tactics to trick the public into noticing an ad or promotion is what I term the False Negative.

The False Negative is becoming more pervasive over the last several years and violates one of my rules when it comes to purchasing: If a lie is needed to get me to purchase a product then I will never, ever buy it. This is just one of my rules that makes me a smart shopper but in the eyes of the Gods of Retail a poor consumer.

The False Negative manifests in any number of ways with one of the most common being the the false error tone. At various places such as the gas pump and at the check stand in supermarkets (as noted in the previous post Waste Lots, Want Not) the False Negative comes as an alert from the equipment that a person would normally associate with an error. I initially noticed it a few years ago while gassing up my car. The pump beeps with a descending tone, the opposite of the usual higher-pitching rising and happier sound of a successful transaction, prompting me to investigate by looking at the pump display screen. Where one would expect a message reminding me to choose a grade of gas instead would be an advertisement for refreshments or a car wash. This is a tactic in up-selling I expect that will decrease in effectiveness over time. Annoying consumers in this manner is a poor strategy that should only result in short-term gains, if any at all. One could only cry wolf only so many times before it is ignored.

A False Negative that has been in retail stores for a while is the floor display advertisement in supermarkets. These ads occur as large adhesive signs applied to the floor of various aisles. One of the common themes of the floor display ad is that it resembles in layout an accidental spill or scattering of a product. In the snack foods aisle the floor ad would feature a bunch of cookies laid out on a plate. In the cleaning aisle a large ad for detergent could resemble a puddle of liquid soap on the floor. Typically the ads depict a box with the product bursting from it in some sort of flavor explosion.

What the..? Now I can pay for the puppy's surgery! Aw, dang.

By making the floor display ad irregular in shape and form the eye is drawn to it. But not because the product is interesting or worth purchasing. Rather, the ad momentarily tricks the customer into paying attention to the product through a perception of something wrong (a failure of cleanliness) or even the hazard of personal danger through an unsafe area.

The shape and location of the floor advertisement causes the patron to notice it when entering the aisle and presumably keep aware of it on some level while shopping. From a distance of a few feet most of the ads appear as spills or messes and only when the patron approaches it closely does it resolve in the mind from possible slip and fall hazard to advertisement. Where I work I have observed an increase in calls for clean-ups in some aisles following the placement of certain ads which are moved and replaced on a regular schedule. Often customers walking by an aisle alert the employees of the store to a spill and when investigated, none is found.

I have personally observed that both the customers and employees are predictably desensitized to the False Negative of the faux spill and safety hazard. After a day or two calls for clean up to the area with the floor ad begin to wane as patrons and the employees become adjusted to the ad and awareness of it fades into the visual and mental background. I have found that it is incumbent upon the managers to ensure that each call for a clean up is thoroughly investigated as due to human nature bored, careless or over-worked staff will assume yet another notification of a spill is going to prove to be without real cause.

It would be interesting and not totally without merit to track slip and fall cases in retail establishments to when and where floor display advertisements were placed. An insurance company could possibly find a correlation from the possible result of an injury claim due to messes where not rapidly attended from the assumption there was no spill and the call for a clean up of an aisle was merely another False Negative.

Brave and the Bold #89

Brave and the Bold #89 (On Sale: February 24, 1970) has a Batman and Phantom Stranger cover by Neal Adams over an obvious Carmine Infantino layout. This is the first issue to use the new Batman logo, which will disappear next issue but return after that.

This issue is dreadful. From the uninspired cover to the uninspired ending this book reeks. Bob Haney doesn't have the slightest clue how to use the Phantom Stranger or worse yet, Dr. Thirteen. We open with a group of covered wagons pulled by oxen and led by one Josiah Heller, self-proscribed descendant of the Hellerite leader of the same name. The Hellerites, so Batman says the legend goes, settled in Gotham 150 years ago, a strange sect of people (think Amish crossed with Mormon) who frightened the citizens of Gotham because they were so different. When a child is found dead on the streets the citizens blame the Hellerite sorcery for the death (most likely caused by a fever) and burned the Hellerite encampment, killing Josiah who proclaimed as the flames engulfed him that, "Someday the dust of the desert will fill Gotham's streets--and then this city's sins must be cleansed!"

These modern-day Hellerites set up camp in Gotham Park, where Batman and Commissioner Gordon head Heller tell his people that they have returned to Gotham for reparations and that they will demand that Gotham give up the land where their ancestor's encampment once stood. This land is now part of downtown Gotham, even Bruce Wayne owns a piece, and worth a fortune. The declaration splits Gotham in two and at a council meeting, Bruce Wayne (who Haney seems to think in on the City Council), donates the Wayne Foundation building to the Hellerite cause.

As Batman, Bruce keeps tabs on Heller and that night Heller is visited by the Phantom Stranger, who warns Heller that he has "unleashed a terrifying threat against Gotham City." When Heller tried to attack the Stranger, he knocks himself unconscious and Batman enters Heller's room and finds cigarettes in his pocket. He notes that Hellerites don't smoke and that they are supposed to be non-violent, yet Heller attacked the Stranger.

The city is soon crawling with Hellerites with glowing eyes and when Batman attempts to find out why he is confronted by the Phantom Stranger who paralyzes Batman so he can watch the Hellerites confronting Gotham citizens and demanding their property. The people find it impossible to resist the glowing stare of the Hellerites. The Stranger tells Batman that some of the Hellerites are "spectral beings...ghosts of Gotham's past."

Batman heads to Gotham Park and confronts Heller, who says that his people are all in the park and knows nothing of the Hellerites walking around Gotham. The Stranger appears and says that Heller has unwittingly called forth the spirits of the long-dead Hellerites. Dr. Thirteen shows up to call the Stranger a fraud (does he do anything else?) and karate-chops the Stranger unconscious.

Heller disappears during all of this and Batman goes searching for him, finding him painting a mark on the door of a house in Gotham. When Batman confronts Heller, his hands go right through him and Heller vanishes. Batman notices that the house is the one he has rented after vacating the Wayne Foundation building. Using the Gotham police computers Batman finds out that all of the houses "marked" by the Hellerites have an elder son at home (I guess Haney decided to ignore the fact that Robin wasn't living at home anymore).

Returning to his house Batman is psychically attacked by Dick and when Heller arrives to ask Bruce Wayne for even more "reparations" he is attacked by the ghostly Heller who calles him "an imposter." The ghostly Heller says that the modern-day Heller is not his decendant and only has the power to "unwittingly stir the spirits from their eternal sleep. Once aroused, all we can do is evil--until he who called us forth confesses his sacrilege."

Batman awakens the Stranger in police lock-up and the two of them go on the attack against the ghostly Heller and Dick. The ghosly Heller tries to kill the modern-day Heller and the Phantom Stranger intervenes. A sherriff arrives with a wanted poster for Karl Lofus, the modern-day Heller. Seeing the poster snaps Lofus out of his delusion that he is Heller and the spirit Heller and all his Hellerites disappear.

It is explained how Lofus had amnesia after breaking out of jail and ran into the Hellerite settlement in the desert and was mistaken by them for Heller. Dr. Thirteen looks stupid once again and the real Hellerites head back for the desert. Ugh! Horrible story all around. This piece of dreck was reprinted in Showcase Presents: The Brave and the Bold Batman Team-Ups Vol. 2 TPB and Showcase Presents: Phantom Stranger Vol. 2 TPB.

Edited by Murray Boltinoff.

Adventure Comics #392

Adventure Comics #392 (On Sale: February 24, 1970) has a Supergirl cover by Curt Swan and Murphy Anderson.

This issue begins with Supergirl in "The Super-Cheat" by Robert Kanigher and Kurt Schaffenberger. The back-up story is our Supergirl cover-story "One Hero Too Many" by Leo Dorfman, Winslow Mortimer and Jack Abel. This story guest-starred the Legion of Super-Pets and was reprinted in Legion of Super-Heroes Archives Vol. 9 HC.

Edited by Mort Weisinger.

Action Comics #387

Action Comics #387 (On Sale: February 24, 1970) has a cover by Curt Swan and Murphy Anderson.

This issue begins with our Superman cover-story, "Even a Superman Dies" by Cary Bates, Curt Swan and George Roussos. The back-up story is the Legion of Super-Heroes in "One Hero Too Many" by E. Nelson Bridwell, Winslow Mortimer and Jack Abel. This story guest-starred the Legion of Super-Pets and was reprinted in Legion of Super-Heroes Archives Vol. 9 HC.

Edited by Mort Weisinger.

David Tosh covers Green Lantern 49

Original cover by Darryl Banks and Romeo Tanghal; DC 1994. David Tosh's website is here.

Dan Scanlon covers X-Men 94

Original cover by Gil Kane and Dave Cockrum; Marvel 1975. Dan Scanlon's website is here.

The Dark Halo

I may be the only one to ever comment on an extinct video artifact; that of the Dark Halo, a unique lens flare common to early television. There were a number of limitations to such new and expensive means of communication and for decades the promising technology was unable to fulfill its full potential as a medium. It was, in spite of its advanced nature, a fairly simple means of communication and it would take years of development and the anticipation of market penetration to work out all the bugs.

Early television worked but it didn't work all that great. Static, ghosts and other problems caused by transmission, reception and the limits of the equipment made television viewing something of a general disappointment. Television wasn't the slick eye-party of modern times. The questionable quality was endured because that was all there was. It was the transmission of the information, not the experience, that made broadcast television worthwhile in the early days.

One of those artifacts of broadcast television of days long gone that surely caused concern among broadcasters was the Dark Halo. I'm sure there is a technical term for it but I don't know what it is. The Dark Halo was a lens flare caused by the inability of the camera or equipment to fully process the image against an overwhelming light source. It was caused by a bright point of light reflecting into the camera. Typically a bright, intense reflection from a ring, piece of metal, glass or sequins on a dress or suit would cause a bright flare on the image. Instead of a bright, white glow and haze the equipment would instead create a momentary darkened halo around a bright center. In modern film craft the bright lens flare is a camera technique used on purpose for effect (Star Trek, CSI, etc.) but in the past it was an annoyance that highlighted the limits of technology.

Via boingboing. Click the photo to experience the caveman days of television for yourself.

In the image/link above a Dark Halo can be seen on the sparkly jacket worn by Buck Owens just above his hand on the guitar neck. For performers like Buck who wore 'nudie suits' and the slinky sequined dresses favored by female stars like Barbara Streisand during their television performances the Dark Halo was a constant and familiar presence for the viewer. It was also nearly restricted to the black and white era. By the time color began to appear in television the image processing difficulties were being overcome for the most part, though on many shows one
can still observe the occasional Dark Halo flare overwhelm the equipment. This is evident from the reflections seen coming from from the jewels on Cinderella's crown in the 1965 broadcast of Rodgers and Hammersteins' Cinderella.

The Dark Halo is also something I look for when a modern show recreates television scenes of the past as I am nerdy that way. These are normally depicted during scene on a camera or monitor as a black and white image that is in the foreground of a set (as in the film That Thing You Do). In those rare instances I have yet to see any show faithfully recreate the darkened lens flare or other video artifacts with the exception of poorly rendered lettering or titles superimposed on the image.

That's a really huge sword

Deadpool, Merc With a Mouth #8 (April 2010).

Two Weeks from Today

I've also added a few things to the submission guidelines, which includes a new e-mail address. My regular one got filled way to easily.

Star Spangled War Stories #150

Star Spangled War Stories #150 (On Sale: February 19, 1970) has an Enemy Ace cover by Joe Kubert.

This issue begins with our Enemy Ace cover-story, "3 Graves to Home" written and drawn by Joe Kubert. I liked this story a lot; the reader is asked to imagine themselves in Rittmeister Hans Von Hammer's place, soaring through the air in a wood-strutted, fabric-covered flying machine, high over hostile French territory and suddenly set upon by a squadron of French sopwiths. Kubert is just a master at these aerial fight scenes and the four pages of flying carnage is a wonder to behold.

Von Hammer watches two of him men go down in flaming coffins and he personally dispatches the two sopwiths which took them down. But now he finds himself in the sites of three remaining sopwiths, and as his plane erupts in flames he goes into a power dive hoping to blow out the fire around him. But unable to put out the fire he instead attempts to land the plane. Jumping from the burning wreckage before his fuel tanks blow Von Hammer realizes for the first time that he has been shot in the leg. He finds himself, wounded, alone and hunted in enemy territory.

Despite his injury, he has to move fast and by dusk finds a lone farmhouse. Von Hammer speaks perfect French and as the fates would have it, the woman inside the house is blind. She dresses his wound and then shows him a picture of her son in front of his flying machine for he is a French flier. Von Hammer recognizes the marking on the plane and thinks back to two week prior when he shot this reconnaissance plane out of the air. They are interrupted by a knock at the door and thinking Von Hammer is just a young man in trouble with the local police, she hides him in her vegetable cellar. When she finds out that he may be the Enemy Ace, she points the soldiers to his hiding place. But Von hammer has escaped out an outside door.

Moving only at night Von Hammer slowly makes his way back toward Germany. On the dawn of the third day a young boy finds him sleeping in the family barn. The boy sees that Von Hammer is a pilot, and tells him of his brother, also a pilot and once again Von Hammer shooting down the planes of the brother's squadron. Not knowing Von Hammer is German, the boy gives him cheese and bread before he leaves.

Somehow Von Hammer makes it to the high country bordering Germany and awakens one morning to the lapping of sheep at his face. The young shepherdess who finds him speaks of her fiancé, a pilot in a plane adorned with two hearts entwined. Von Hammer says he does not know of such a plane, but of course he does and recalls how it flew too close to the French reconnaissance balloon it was guarding when Von Hammer riddled the balloon with bullets and it exploded, downing the French plane.

He cannot look the woman in the eyes and leaves quickly. That night during a snow storm Von Hammer finds a cave and builds a fire which he tends through the night. But he is not alone, in the flames he sees the images of all the warriors he has killed in aerial combat and thinks, "The dead are fortunate!...Never again must they wrestle with conscience! It is for us, the living...who must justify war's wanton killing!"

The next morning he makes his way down the mountain and to his Jagdstaffel and the morning after that he finds himself on the tarmac, ready to once again embrace the killer skies. This story was reprinted in DC Special Series #18, Enemy Ace Archives Vol. 2 HC and Showcase Presents: Enemy Ace Vol. 1 TPB.

Next we have a Viking Prince reprint from Brave and the Bold #12, "Monster of the Viking Sea" by Bob Haney and Joe Kubert. The fishing nets of Olaf's village are found cut. Jon investigates and discovers a hidden cavern containing a dinosaur. The dinosaur is trapped inside, but can reach through a small hole to cut the nets.

While Jon plots a strategy to deal with the monster, Ulric, his rival in the tribe plots against Jon. Ulric causes a rockfall which releases the monster. It then attacks the village. Jon forces it out to sea, where Ulric plans to kill Jon. Instead, the monster attack Ulric, taking them both to their deaths at the bottom of the ocean.

We end the issue with "Great Battles in History -- The Marne" drawn and I would guess written by Ric Estrada. The story entails how in 1914, for the first time battles were often wages and lost and won on the telephone.

Edited by Joe Kubert.

From Beyond the Unknown #4

From Beyond the Unknown #4 (On Sale: February 19, 1970) has a cover by Murphy Anderson.

This issue begins with our cover-story, "Riddle of the Vanishing Earthmen" from Mystery in Space #32 by Gardner Fox, Sid Greene and Joe Giella. Next is "Our Home is in the Stars" from Mystery in Space #65 by Gardner Fox, Carmine Infantino and Joe Giella. We end with "The Surprise Package Planet" from Mystery in Space #47 by Gardner Fox and Murphy Anderson.

Edited by Julius Schwartz.

DC Special #7

DC Special #7 (On Sale: February 19, 1970) has a cover by Murphy Anderson on the theme Strangest Sports Stories, something Julius Schwartz seemed to like but which never interested me much.

This issue begins with "Gorilla Wonders of the Diamond" from Brave and the Bold #49 by Gardner Fox, Carmine Infantino and Joe Giella. Next is "The Hot-Shot Hoopsters" from Brave and the Bold #46 also by Gardner Fox, Carmine Infantino and Joe Giella. That is followed by "The Man Who Drove Through Time" Brave and the Bold #48 by Gardner Fox, Carmine Infantino and Sid Greene. Next we have "Goliath of the Gridiron" from Brave and the Bold #45 by Gardner Fox, Carmine Infantino and Joe Giella. We end with "Solar Olympics of 3000 A.D" from Mystery in Space #39 by John Broome and Carmine Infantino.

Edited by Julius Schwartz.

Robt Seda-Schreiber covers Amazing Spider-man 122

Original cover by John Romita; Marvel 1973. Robt Seda-Schreiber's website is here.

I get stuff

The fine folks at Fantagraphics and W.W. Norton, via ultra-blogger Bully, have sent me a bunch of books for my collection. I expect that one of these days someone will realize how much my reviews suck and cut me off. But until then much appreciated!

The big prize in these books is The Book of Genesis by Robert Crumb. Like the Wolverton Bible, this title is a must have for those interested in the uncensored words of one of the most pervasive religions of the world. Robert Crumb's gritty art is perfectly suited for the task, conveying people as suffering under harsh conditions and also making them come off as unwashed perverts much of the time.

What becomes even more clear when aided by the art is that one of the underlying themes of the this section of the Bible is slavery. Everyone subservient to both man and deity because that is what the All-Knowing has ordered. The corrupt, criminal and even misguided claim to speak for God or at the least expect the populace to obey them because they maintain that is what God demands usually under threat of a terrible penalty for disobeying. Crumb did not approach this work is his usual familiar style but as straight illustration. Though because of his unique style some of his humor unexpectedly creeps in at places.

This version of The Book of Genesis is one of interpretation, though perhaps a much more honest one than that pushed by the usual suspects. One telling scene that illustrates perfectly the problems with interpretation is when scripture quotes a man is killed because he displeased God the panel depicts him as being murdered by a thief. In reading the "original" text it is conveyed the victim was struck down by some supernatural means and not by the sharp blade of a criminal seeking money. Here is a good review by R. C. Harvey.

The Squirrel Machine by Hans Rickheit. I expected to read this and find it to be a charming steam-punk story. Instead it turned out to be at turns shocking and disturbing but worth the accolades.

Johnny Ryan turns in another interesting work in Prison Pit. Violent and definitely not for kids.

Another treasure is Portable Grindhouse: The Lost Art of the VHS Box. Cleverly packaged and full of nostalgia for a guy like me. A younger generation probably won't see the appeal beyond the kitschy art but I get a big kick out of it. I have seen all of these films and owned a number of them. One of the things that were readily available in Korea in the 1980s were cheap video cassettes and being stationed there I watched a lot of B-movies. Good times.

Newave! The Underground Mini Comix of the 1980s is a collection of uncensored strips from indie artists and cartoonists. These are comic history and it would have been a shame for these to have been lost to time like so much of the more mainstream Golden Age work.

West Coast Blues. A French noir thriller that has been adapted to a number of formats over the last few years. This graphic novel is one such adaptation and it works well.

The Unclothed Man in the 35th Century A.D. by Dash Shaw. The work is dense and thoughtful and there are plenty of examples of amazing and creative use of color to support the story without overwhelming it.

Last but not least is a great collection of political cartoons by Lawrence Herblock. Herblock is published by the W.W. Norton Company and is no mere prop to be brought out of the closet, dusted off and strategically positioned on a coffee table by hipsters to impress during a cheese-tasting party. Not only does this massive tome document seven decades of opinion by a master of the craft but accompanying the book is a DVD containing over 18,000 cartoons. You could use this book to teach a college course, no kidding.

Mike Loveland covers Pocket Full of Rain

Original cover by Jason; Fantagraphics 2008. Mike Loveland's website is here.

Marcos Carvalho covers Weird War Tales 106

Original cover by Joe Kubert; DC 1981. Marcos Carvalho's website is here.

Witching Hour #8

Witching Hour #8 (On Sale: February 17, 1970) has a nice cover by Neal Adams.

This month DC put out two excellent horror/mystery comics, House of Secrets #85 and this book. Not surprisingly, they are both the work of editor Dick Giordano. This issue's framing sequence, "The True Picture of the Servant Problem at the Witching Hour" is drawn by, well, my guess is Alex Toth and Neal Adams. It might be Adams by himself, but if so he is surely channeling the work of Toth; it is a beauty. It seems the girls have hired photographer Renay Phydeaux to create a family portrait. In order to set the mood for Renay, the girls each tell a tale...

The first real story is "Above and Beyond the Call of Duty" written by Sergio Aragones and Neal Adams and drawn, so they say, by Neal Adams. I say that because this is obviously Neal's inks, but the pencils have got to be by someone else. Neal doesn't draw entire pages with no backgrounds; it just doesn't happen. Stylistically this reminds me of "The Succubus" from Vampirella #10, which was penciled mostly my soon to be comic writer Steve Engelhart. I don't know if Steve was apprenticing with Neal here a year earlier, but it has that look of Neal working with a raw, young talent, rather than Neal blasting through a story.

Don't get me wrong, the artwork is extremely nice, just the lack of backgrounds makes you wonder. Also, the layout is very straightforward; most pages are in a three-tier, six-panel fixed format. Not very Adams-like, but his may have to do with Aragones, who was known for turning in his stories as quick-sketch layouts.

Regardless, old, rich Jonas Sentry spends his days contemplating the glories of his past. He wishes he had a young body again, like that of his butler, so that he could chase after beautiful young women, like his chambermaid Maria. His butler overhears him one day and says that for his soul, a deal can be struck, where Jonas could have the butler's young body. Over the next few days, Maria seems more attentive to Jonas than ever and finally he confronts her, will she be his?

She says that it is not possible due to the difference in their ages, but if he were young like her, she would marry him in an instant. And with that incentive the deal with the butler is done. As Jonas moves from his old body to that of the butler, the devil emerges from the butler's body. Jonas kicks his old useless body down the stairs and grabs Maria as the devil phones the police to report that Jonas Sentry has been murdered by his butler. Jonas tries to explain, but in the end he is sentenced to life in prison. This story has been reprinted in DC Special Blue Ribbon Digest #17 and Deadman #4.

Next is our cover-story, "Three Day Free Home Trial" drawn by Nick Cardy. A housekeeper named Winifred offers Emily Carson three days free of charge to test out her abilities. On Wednesday Emily finds her house to be the cleanest she has ever seen it, but she feels a bit faint and Winifred offers her some more of her wonderful tea, an old family recipe don't you know? For some reason Winifred shoos away Emily's cousin Elmer. By Thursday Emily's head feels like it is going to explode. but the doctor she has summoned is sent away by Winifred, who offers up more tea as her cure-all.

Later that evening Emily awakens to some horrible noises in her house but finds the door to her bedroom locked. Looking through the keyhole she sees Winifred dancing and cavorting with all manor of demon and creature. Winifred comes in to calm her, but so do her fiends. they leave poor Emily in her room going mad while outside the loud noises continue. Then, abruptly, they end. The silence is deafening, but it to eventually ends, replaced by the thumping of footsteps, getting closer and closer. The door slowly opens and in walks Cousin Elmer.

He finds his cousin in a state of shock and summons a doctor. They find a note to Emily from Winifred reading, "Dear Miss Emily, I thank you for the use of your lovely home!! It made our annual meeting a great success! You really must learn to relax more! Get Well! Love Winnie! P.S., Hope to see you again next year...that is if we don't find a better place!" It is the morning of Friday, the 13th.

Our last story is "ComputERR" written, drawn and lettered by Alex Toth. It's a cute little piece: Kipp meets Rod through computer dating and they get married. Rob moves Kipp to his house, a huge mansion all alone in the hills. It's a sweet place, just Kipp and Rod and, oh yeah, Ferencz, a trollish little bald fellow who takes care of Rod's every need. Days turn into weeks and Kipp and Rod are in bliss in their new life together, just the, eh, three of them; Ferencz is ever-present.

One day Rod is missing, gone on a business trip and it is just Kipp and Ferencz together for a bit. Rod's trips become more frequent, more lengthy. Ferencz tries to entertain Kipp, but she begins to resent the ugly little fellow. They have no phone, no car except the one Rod takes on trips, they get no mail, Kipp has no contact with the outside world; her house has become a prison and Ferencz is her jailer. Finally she can stand it no more and confronts Rod, either Ferencz goes or she goes.

Hearing this sentence of confinement Kipp hops into Rod's beautiful 1937 yellow Cord and attempts to drive off. Rod tries to stop her and she backs into him as she leaves. Ferencz runs to Rod's side. Later we see Ferencz working on Rod's insides, he is a robot. and Ferencz promises that he will make him better than before and they will once again use their computer-match service to find a more quiet, stay-at-home type of girl. Just then there is a knock at the door. The police want to know if Ferencz owns a yellow Cord and when he replies in the affirmative they want him to come with them to the site of the wreck. "Wreck?" he asks?

There is something they want him to explain to them. When they get there, he sees the body of Kipp, thrown from the car and lying on the road. She has been ripped apart and her mechanical insides are showing.

This brings us back to the wrapper story, which now looks to be totally Neal Adams art. The girls' stories have petrified Phydeaux, so Igor shows him out, dragging his chair behind him as he goes and then trudging off into the swamp. The girls are sure the readers will be upset with them as they promised the readers a picture of Igor. There is a pounding at the door and the girls worry that the readers are in revolt, but at the door they find waiting for them a cute little girl, holding a big envelope. She gives the witches the envelope then runs off. Inside they find a picture of the girl and Igor. Of course, you can't see much of Igor, but what did you expect?

Edited by Dick Giordano.

Superboy #164

Superboy #164 (On Sale: February 17, 1970) has a cover by Neal Adams. Given the subject matter, this one should have been much more effective and emotional.

This issue begins with "Your Death Will Destroy Me" by Frank Robbins, Bob Brown and Mike Esposito. The back-up story is "Revolt of Ma Kent" by Frank Robbins, Bob Brown and Mike Esposito.

Edited by Murray Boltinoff.

Secret Hearts #143

Secret Hearts #143 (On Sale: February 17, 1970) has a cover inked by Dick Giordano.

This issue begins with "I Never Thought It'd End Like This" inked by Vinny Colletta. Next is "Masquerade" drawn by Alex Toth. We end with "For Singles Only" also inked by Vinny Colletta.

Edited by Dick Giordano.

Debbi's Dates #7

Debbi's Dates #7 (On Sale: February 17, 1970) has a cover by,well, I don't know.

This issue begins with Benedict in "The Fall Guy" and "The Big Spender." Next is Buddy in "The Kissin' Kid," followed by Debbi's Dates in "A Bottle of Love." We end with the Ding-a-Lings in "Country Cousins." I have no writer or artist information on this book.

Edited by Dick Giordano.

King of Comedy

It's been awhile since I saw a Stephen Chow movie, so I threw this one on last night. It's also been awhile since I burst forth with barking blasts of uncontrollable laughter -- what a great feeling. Chow is funny on his own, but what really knocks his comedy out of the park is a combo of the people he surrounds himself with, comedic compatriots like Ng Man Tat and Tin Kai Man who form a loose troupe from film to film, and the broad nature of the gags, bordering on, if not spilling wholly over into, outrageous gross-out humor. A bar hostess forced to entertain a particularly repellent male customer is a funny pretense; ah! He's got roaches in his hair and a worm crawling out his ear! Or how about the tender love scene between Chow and Karen Mok wherein a big glob of runny snot hangs perilously out of his nose over her face? OK, it's puerile, but nobody laughs more deliriously than an 8-year-old, and sometimes a fella needs to laugh like that. Sue me.

Also on hand is smoking hot Celia Cheung. More recently, Ms. Cheung found unwanted publicity when "candid" photos of her and a number of other HK actresses made their way from singer/actor Edison Chen's hard drive to the internet. Oh, and don't blink or you'll miss a walk-on cameo from Jackie Chan. He plays a stuntman (ha ha). The premise of the movie is that Chow is a "background artist" trying to worm his way into a more substantive role on a film shoot (a la Ricky Gervais in Extras).

If you're new to Stephen Chow, I recommend starting with Shaolin Soccer, his masterpiece. Then move on to The God of Cookery, King of Comedy and From Beijing With Love. Only then check out the somewhat more jaded Kung Fu Hustle. Then you can move on to the 50+ films he's been in since the early 80s (like Royal Tramp and God of Gamblers 2). Chow is one of a kind, a national treasure, and everyone should have at least a couple of his films in their collection.

Gonna wash that man right outta my hair

Don't know why, but all of a sudden I want to visit a salon.

Woman's Day (April 6, 1982).